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by "Mean Mr. Mustard"

Tonight I was one of the lucky few to see a test screening of a film that is so bad, so God awful, and so painful to sit through that I seriously think it's flat out unreleasable. The film…GIGLI. Yes, the film with J. LoBen, and a retard (forgive me if I'm not being Mr. Sensitive while I vent out my frustrations).  It doesn't matter what this film is called, or how many more title changes it will likely go through before it's finally released, it still an unreleasable PIECE OF SHIT!  And to prove my point, I did some research on the film's release date, and for some reason, it keeps getting pushed back. It was originally scheduled for November, 2002, then December, 2002, then it moved to May 9th, 2003, then to July 11th, 2003, now it's scheduled for August 1st, 2003.

And the dialog! Tough Love has some of the most truly God-awful dialog ever heard on screen. Ricki has a 5 minute monolog about "my pussy" which is even more degrading and embarrassing than Liz Berkley's "I am not whore…" speech in SHOWGIRLS. I'm actually surprised that J. Lo didn't take a stand and say to director Martin Brest… "You don't really expect me to say those lines, do you?" unless that scene was improved by J. Lo, in which case, the editor should have taken a stand…"You don't really expect to leave in that scene, do you?"  I can go on and on about the script, but I think you get the idea.

And the acting. Folks, if we fast forward to the end of 2003, then there is no doubt in my mind that Ben and J. Lo will walk away with RAZZIES for their performances (and this POS has to be a front runner for Worst Picture). Ben plays Gigli with a tough guy NY  Chazz Palminteri dialect that goes in and out and in and out. To call his performance inconsistent would be an understatement. J. Lo on the other hand is the exact opposite. Every word, phrase, and line out of her mouth, whether it's coming on to Gigli, comforting the retard, standing up to Al Pacino, or that really embarrassing "pussy" monolog is said in the exact same low pitched smokey monotone. Clint Eastwood could get away with this style because his face and eyes say everything his voice doesn't but J. Lo, WHAT IN THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?


04/05/2016 14:43:43
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