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Beach Blanket Stinko

Don't go in the water with Kelly and Justin

American Awful: Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini should be ashamed.

FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY. With Justin Guarini, Kelly Clarkson. Directed by Robert Iscove. 95 mins. Rated PG: Mild language, sensuality.

The Simon Cowell in me wants to say to last year's "American Idol" winner Kelly Clarkson and runner-up Justin Guarini that their performances in the spring-break movie "From Justin to Kelly" are just awful.

Dreadful. Possibly the worst pro acting debuts I've ever seen.

But that distracts from the film itself, which is more than awful, more than dreadful, and easily the worst beach movie ever made.

Yep, worse than "Beach Blanket Bingo," worse than "Sizzle Beach, USA," and way worse than the recent reality bust "The Real Cancun," which at least had titillation value.

Squeaky-clean shenanigans

Despite its PG rating, "From Justin to Kelly" is the Good Ship Lollipop of wanton youth movies: It's modest, drug-free and as chaste as a church outing. This is the spring-break film college kids will be sending their parents for Christmas, with a little note:

"See, nothing happens."

On the first day of their vacation in Fort Lauderdale - in the middle of the first of several jaw-droppingly bad musical numbers staged on the sand: Redheaded beanpole Justin and bottom-heavy Kelly spot each other and spend the rest of the movie being kept apart by her devious girlfriend Alexa (Katherine Bailess).

Occasionally, they stop and lip-sync, sometimes to lyrics that are actually appropriate, though you wouldn't know it if the sound was turned down. Neither Justin nor Kelly has an inkling how to feign emotion.

The songs, by the way, are generic pop ick, the lifeblood of "American Idol" itself.

To answer the big question, Justin and Kelly do kiss eventually, but it's not the kind of kiss that would lead to anything lasting, or even spring-breakish. It's awful.
Dreadful. Maybe the worst I've ever seen.

(c) 2003, New York Daily News

06/05/2016 23:37:02
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