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“Velma” Kelie McIver (center) rips into this year’s RAZZIE Opening Number “All That RAZZ!” assisted by Solid Gold RAZZberry Dancers Chip Dornell (left) and Glenn Simon (right) PHOTO ©2003/G.R.A.F.and Barbara Wilson.

THE RAZZIE® REPORTER

Official Newsletter of The Golden Raspberry Award Foundation / © 2003 G.R.A.F. and John Wilson

Volume XXIII/Issue #1            Summer 2003

 

7pm Saturday, July 12th @ Razzie HQ

 

All That RAZZ!

Ogle The 23rd RAZZIES on Video,

Double-Billed w/Berry Funny

Bad Movie Classic ‘THE OSCAR’

 

See Our Snazziest Ever Opening Number!

See Madonna & Britney Duke It Out for 2002's WORST!

 PLUS See a Rarely-Shown Sleazy 1966 Hollywood

Howl-Fest About That OTHER Award Show!

 

 War may have broken out three days BEFORE this year’s RAZZIE Awards, but the ceremony itself was a Battle Royal between two Top Pop-Divas-Who-Can’t Act: Madonna and Britney Spears.  Starting off with a rip-rousing Opening Number (“Velma” Kelie McIver performing a Fosse-esque version of “All That RAZZ!” accompanied by Golden RAZZberry Dancers Chip Dornell and Glenn Simon) the show then ripped-and-tore its way through 11 RAZZIE Categories in under  57 minutes. And at 7pm on Saturday, July 12th at Razzie HQ, you can join us for a Laugh-Filled Living Room Drive-In Double Feature of The 23rd Annual RAZZIE Awards on video, paired with One of the Movies That People Who LOVE Bad Movies Love Best: Stephen Boyd, Elke Sommer, Jill St. John, Tony Bennett(!) and An All-Has-Been Cast in THE OSCAR.

 

  Although no “winners” showed up for this year’s RAZZ-Fest, one of the biggest laughs came when one of Madonna’s “wins” WAS Accepted in Absentia by a Cardboard Effigy of Our Female Cham-peen. Other Hi-Lites of The 23rd RAZZIES include Our Cast’s Loose-Lipped “Dubbing” of a clip from Worst Picture Nominee PINOCCHIO, Mr. Dornell and Mr. Simon teaming to trash our 3 Worst Song contenders with Totally Twitter-Pated Terpsichory, and a SURPRISE result when the envelope for Worst Actress was opened (NOTE: If you wish to be surprised on July 12th, DON’T read the List of “Winners” on Page Two of this Newsletter!).

 

  Our SECOND Feature on July 12th is a Howl-a-Minute Classic about Hedonism in Hollywood that’s SO Wonderfully Bad that it’s almost NEVER screened anywhere anymore: THE OSCAR. Starring the late Stephen Boyd as a “Best Actor” Oscar nominee (giving a performance that would’ve GUARANTEED him  OUR Top Actor Award!) it opens with Boyd attending a cheezily-staged FAKE 1960s Oscar-Cast (complete with Bob Hope and Five Bogus “Best Actor” Nominees!). As “Frankie Fain” sweats out the ceremony, his Ex-Best Friend “Hymie Kelly” (!!) recalls Every Rotten Thing Frankie Ever Did to reach the top of “that glass mountain called success.” Complete with universally hammy acting, striptease routines, knife-fights, fist fights, bullfights and bullshit galore, THE OSCAR also features Ernest Borgnine, Edie Adams, Milton Berle,  Joseph Cotten and Peter Lawford in supporting roles plus Edith Head, Merle Oberon, Nancy Sinatra and Frank Sinatra as “themselves” in cameo appearances.

 

To see STILLS from THE OSCAR, Double Click Below:

 

http://www.stephen-boyd.com/stephenboyd/statuee.htm

 

 For info on how YOU can attend this Berry OSCAR-riffic Event, Please RSVP to

HeadBerry@razzies.com

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The WORST Kind of G-O-S-S-I-P!!

 

WHICH WOULD BRING HIS CAREER TOTAL to 33 NOMINATIONS!  In the soon-to-be-unleashed SPY KIDS 3-D, Our Awl-Time Male Cham-Peen Sylvester Stallone will get a chance to break his current tie with Madonna (each have “won” RAZZIES 9 times!). He takes another stab at comedy (oh-oh!) and plays FOUR ROLES: A Mad Scientist, a Hippie, A Dictator...and a Nerdy TV Reporter (See Photo Above). Since we’ve always been willing to stretch the rules where Duh Sly Guy is concerned, maybe this year he deserves FOUR Worst Supporting Actor nods??

 

MAYBE SHE THOUGHT IT WAS THE ‘SOME-DUNCE’ FILM FESTIVAL?? Reports from last Winter’s Sundance Film Festival had 2002 Worst Actress co-“winner” Britney Spears utterly pissing off 1993 Worst Actor nominee and Sundance founder Robert (INDECENT PROPOSAL) Redford by attending a screening with several Giggly Gal Pals. Britney and Her Bimbo Posse chatted on cell phones throughout -- And then loudly walked out before the movie was over. “If looks could kill!” said One Hollywood Insider who was there...

 

IF YOU CAN’T STAND THE HEAT -- GET OUT of THE MOVIES! “Access Hollywood” interviewed our OTHER 2002 Worst Actress co-“winner” shortly after our 23rd RAZZIE Awards were held -- And they actually asked her to respond to SWEPT AWAY’s 5-Award “sweep.” Poor little Madonna declared she was “deeply hurt!”...but would gladly work with her RAZZIE “winning” director/hubby Guy Ritchie again “in a heartbeat.” Our only question to The Immaterial Mom: Who on EARTH would even consider financing THAT collaboration again?!?!

------------------------------------------------------

23rd Annual RAZZIE “Winners”

 

Worst Picture

SWEPT AWAY

(Columbia/Screen Gems)

 

Worst Actor

Roberto Benigni in (and as) PINOCCHIO

(Dubbed GODZILLA-style by Breckin Meyer)

 

Worst Actress (TIE!) *

Madonna in SWEPT AWAY and

Britney Spears in CROSSROADS

 

Worst Supporting Actress

Madonna in DIE ANOTHER DAY

 

Worst Supporting Actor

Hayden Christensen in

STAR WARS EPISODE II:

YADA, YADA, YODA

 

Worst Screen Couple

Adrianno Gianinni & Madonna,

SWEPT AWAY

 

Worst Director

Guy Ritchie (aka Mr. Madonna) SWEPT AWAY

 

Worst Screenplay

STAR WARS EPISODE II:

THE BOREDOM CONTINUES

Written by George Lucas and Jonathan Hales

 

Worst Remake or Sequel

SWEPT AWAY

 

Worst “Original” Song

“I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman”

from CROSSROADS

 

Most Flatulent Teen-Targeted Movie

(New Category!)

JACKASS: THE MOVIE

 

* The only previous tie for Worst Actress

was between Bo Derek in TARZAN: THE APE MAN

& Faye Dunaway as MOMMIE DEAREST (1981)

 

 

 

LAST LAUGH: To See This Year’s

Worst Screen Couple RAZZIE® Front-Runners

(Fer Sher!)

...Double Click Below –

 

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/FromJustintoKelly-1123183/gallery.php?page=1&size=hires

 

©2003, G.R.A.F. and John Wilson

 

 

 

 

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