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Official Newsletter of The Golden Raspberry Award Foundation

 

Volume XXII/Issue #2 Dead of Winter 2003

 

7pm Saturday, Feb. 1st @ Razzie HQ

Get ‘SWEPT AWAY’ at RAZZIE Prevue Nite XXII

 

Will Madonna’s Cinematic Shipwreck Be Our Main Feature?

Will Roberto Benigni Climb Atop the Seats??

Will EVERY Member in Attendance Win a Door Prize???

To Find Out, Plan to Attend!

 

  The Main Feature we figure Every RAZZIE Member hopes we’ll have for Prevue Nite isn’t due to be released on DVD until February 11 (The day AFTER this year’s nominations are announced -- Talk about Terrible Timing!). But we’ve seen SWEPT AWAY and the 97% of American film critics who royally ripped this wretched Madonna remake of the 1974 Lina Wertmuller classic aren’t wrong. It looks like The Immaterial Gal may finally get herself a Worst Picture Trophy to go with the four Worst Actress RAZZIES she’s already “won,” so we’ve called in Every Favor We’ve Ever Been Owed in Tinseltown, to get our hands on an Advance Screener of this Atrocious Stinker for Prevue Nite.  And since we ARE Persona Non RAZZa in Hollywood, MAYBE we’ll actually have a DVD of SWEPT AWAY by 7pm Saturday, February 1st at RAZZIE HQ.

   If we DON’T get our hands on SWEPT AWAY, our Back-Up is Madonna’s hilariously pretentious appearance on “Larry King Live” promoting Her Biggest Megaton B.O. Bomb Ever (the night before it opened to a whopping $367 per theatre).  See Larry King himself Go All Gushy over what a “wonderful” film our Worst Actress of the 20th Century “winner”  and her Awl-Time Awful Auteur of a Husband made (Maybe King attended the screening without his glasses or hearing aid?). See The Doyen of the Drowned World Tour explain “why” she and husband Guy (Can Any Marriage Survive This Debacle ?) Ritchie wanted to do this remake in the first place. And see why ‘SWEPT AWAY’ was so crucified by critics that Madonna’s agent bemoaned the reviews as “a public hanging.”

  Also on the bill for Prevue Nite: Worst Actor shoo-in  Eddie Murphy in at least ONE of his Triumvirate of Terrible Films from 2002: The un-funny SHOWTIME, the un-necessary remake of I SPY and/or the in-defensible $85 million bomb THE ADVENTURES OF PLUTO NASH (which grossed Less Than $5 million -- OUCH!); Britney Spears (whose Worst Actress Front-Runner status Madonna seems to have usurped) in the Treacly Teen Road(kill) Drama CROSSROADS; Worst Actor, Worst Actress and Worst Screen Couple contenders Antonio Banderas and Lucy Liu in the Terribly Titled BALLISTIC: ECKS vs. SEVER; SCOOBY DOO, MR. DEEDS, JASON X --And Lots MORE...and LOTS Worse!

  As an Added Shill to Getcha There, we’ve got Our Best Ever DOOR PRIZES, including as Grand Prize a 3' Bouquet Made Entirely of Movie Treats.

  To attend this event (with an Official Nominating Ballot in Yer Hand!)

Please DOUBLE CLICK on the RAZZberry-Colored Memberships BAR at Top Left of Screen

and/or Inquire to:

 

HeadBerry@razzies.com

 

EDITORIAL:

Is 2002's Worst Picture ‘PINOCCHIO’ By a Nose??

 

  Sometimes it takes a while for our Worst New Star Contenders to achieve The Full Flower of Their Awfulness: In the case of Roberto Benigni, 1993 Worst New Star nominee for his English language debut in SON OF THE PINK PANTHER, it took ten years.

  In that decade, Italy’s Answer to Jerry Lewis actually won an Academy Award as Best Actor for the emotionally overwhelming (and critically over-rated) LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL. He also saw that film go on to gross nearly $200 million worldwide. As a result, La Bozo d’Talia found himself in that rare place only hit-makers find themselves: He was given the chance to make His Dream Project, with The Biggest Budget in Italian Film History.

  And what did The Man Who Mounted the Seats at the 1999 Academy Awards make with the $45 million?? The film Benigni was originally to have done under the direction of Italy’s Master Movie Maker Federico Fellini: An Italian version of that most famous of Italian folk tales, PINOCCHIO. But Fellini bought the olive farm before the project was realized, and Benigni went ahead without him. And Fellini, even with CASANOVA, never got the kind of reviews the hideously dubbed American release of Benigni’s PINOCCHIO has gotten. “A movie so bad,” declared The New York Times, “that it instantly enters the pantheon of wreckage that includes BATTLEFIELD EARTH and SHOW-GIRLS!” “Wooden-headed, self-serving and lifeless!” chimed The L.A. Times. “There’s something off-putting about a 50-year-old man cavorting around in a clown suit impersonating a capricious brat,” avowed VARIETY. And People On-Line even went so far as to open their piece with: “RAZZIE Board, are you listening? Just when it seemed as though SWEPT AWAY and PLUTO NASH had a lock on next Spring’s Golden Raspberry Awards, along comes the Christmas turkey PINOCCHIO.”

  So is the film as bad as 100%(!) of the critics culled on RottenTomatoes.com say it is? If it hasn’t been pulled already by your local Theatre Manager as a Public Service, you can still see for yourself. Or you can just take OUR word for it -- Benigni’s PINOCCHIO deserves to be our first ever foreign-made Worst Picture nominee...

 

 

The Worst Kind of

GOSSIP!

 

LINA LETS MADONNA HAVE IT! However nasty American reviews of SWEPT AWAY may have been, perhaps the most hurtful comment of all came from the director of the 1974 original version, Lina Wertmuller. Quoted in The Washington Post, La Lina declared: "Why? Why? I don't understand why the picture is so awful. Why did Madonna and her husband let it out? It's very crazy. They saw the picture. So why open like that? This is terrible!"

 

“MOTHER OF GOD, IS THIS THE END OF LITTLE ROCKY?”  It hadda happen sooner or later: Awl-Time RAZZIE Cham-Peen Sylvester Stallone has finally made a movie So Awful It Went Direct-to-Video. Your local Blockbuster should have at least ONE rental copy of the just released D-TOX. Formerly titled ICU, EYE SEE YOU and IM AUGE DER ANGST in Germany (one of the few places it was theatrically released) it was directed by Jim Gillespie, whose previous claim-to-fame was I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER, and co-stars 1981 Worst Actor nominee Kris Kristofferson. Just so you don’t go gettin’ too sorry for Duh Sly Guy, it’s also one of those three films he made for Universal...For $20 million apiece!

 

“MOTHER OF GOD, IS THIS THE END OF LITTLE RAZZIE??” Our one-year development deal with Nash Entertainment, to try and finally get The RAZZIES broadcast, expired last November. During that year, we had what seemed like good pitch meetings with Comedy Central and AMC, and a Very Weird Meeting at E! TV (they totally didn’t get it -- And kept asking where Joan Rivers would be put on the Red Carpet for Stars’ Arrivals!). But it turns out the TV industry is just as afraid of us as the movie industry is -- Not one network followed up without expressing fear of “pissing off” their Major Movie Studio sponsors.

Hey, we told you we’re Persona Non-RAZZa in Hollywood! Bottom Line: We’re now seeking another backer...

 

NOTE TO OUR INTERNET VISITORS

 

WANNA JOIN in THE FUN??

 

To Become a VOTING MEMBER,

Please Double-Click on the

RAZZberry-Colored MEMBERSHIPS

Bar @ Top Left of Screen!

 

 

The 23rd Annual

RAZZIE Nominations

Will Be Announced

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 10

 

“Winners” Will Be Announced Saturday, March 22

 

Revisit This Site for

COMPLETE LISTS

 

 

 

 

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