of The Golden Raspberry Award Foundation
XXII/Issue #2 Dead of Winter 2003
Saturday, Feb. 1st @ Razzie HQ
AWAY’ at RAZZIE
Prevue Nite XXII
Madonna’s Cinematic Shipwreck Be Our Main Feature?
Roberto Benigni Climb Atop the Seats??
Member in Attendance Win a Door Prize???
Out, Plan to Attend!
Main Feature we figure Every RAZZIE Member hopes we’ll have
for Prevue Nite isn’t due to be released on DVD until February 11 (The day AFTER this year’s nominations are announced -- Talk about Terrible Timing!). But we’ve seen SWEPT AWAY and the 97% of American film critics who royally ripped this wretched Madonna remake of the 1974 Lina Wertmuller classic aren’t wrong. It looks like The Immaterial Gal may finally get herself a Worst Picture Trophy to go with the four Worst
Actress RAZZIES she’s already “won,” so we’ve
called in Every Favor We’ve Ever Been Owed in Tinseltown, to
get our hands on an Advance Screener of this Atrocious Stinker for Prevue Nite. And since we ARE Persona Non RAZZa in Hollywood, MAYBE we’ll actually have a DVD of SWEPT AWAY by 7pm
Saturday, February 1st at RAZZIE HQ.
If we DON’T get our hands on SWEPT AWAY, our Back-Up is
Madonna’s hilariously pretentious appearance on “Larry
King Live” promoting Her Biggest Megaton B.O. Bomb Ever (the
night before it opened to a whopping $367 per theatre). See
Larry King himself Go All Gushy over what a “wonderful”
film our Worst Actress of the 20th Century “winner”
and her Awl-Time Awful Auteur of a Husband made (Maybe
King attended the screening without his glasses or hearing aid?).
See The Doyen of the Drowned World Tour explain “why”
she and husband Guy (Can Any Marriage Survive This
Debacle ?) Ritchie wanted to do this remake in the
first place. And see why ‘SWEPT AWAY’ was so crucified
by critics that Madonna’s agent bemoaned the reviews as
“a public hanging.”
on the bill for Prevue Nite: Worst Actor shoo-in Eddie
Murphy in at least ONE of his Triumvirate of Terrible Films
from 2002: The un-funny SHOWTIME, the un-necessary remake of I
SPY and/or the in-defensible $85 million bomb THE ADVENTURES OF
PLUTO NASH (which grossed Less Than $5 million -- OUCH!); Britney
Spears (whose Worst Actress Front-Runner status
Madonna seems to have usurped) in the Treacly Teen Road(kill)
Drama CROSSROADS; Worst Actor, Worst Actress and Worst
Screen Couple contenders Antonio Banderas and Lucy
Liu in the Terribly Titled BALLISTIC: ECKS vs. SEVER; SCOOBY
DOO, MR. DEEDS, JASON X --And Lots MORE...and LOTS Worse!
an Added Shill to Getcha There, we’ve got Our Best Ever DOOR
PRIZES, including as Grand Prize a 3' Bouquet Made Entirely of
attend this event (with an Official Nominating Ballot in Yer
DOUBLE CLICK on the RAZZberry-Colored Memberships BAR at Top Left
Worst Picture ‘PINOCCHIO’ By a Nose??
it takes a while for our Worst New Star Contenders to
achieve The Full Flower of Their Awfulness: In the case of Roberto
Benigni, 1993 Worst New Star nominee for his English
language debut in SON OF THE PINK PANTHER, it took ten years.
that decade, Italy’s Answer to Jerry Lewis actually
won an Academy Award as Best Actor for the emotionally
overwhelming (and critically over-rated) LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL. He
also saw that film go on to gross nearly $200 million worldwide.
As a result, La Bozo d’Talia found himself in that
rare place only hit-makers find themselves: He was given the
chance to make His Dream Project, with The Biggest Budget in
Italian Film History.
what did The Man Who Mounted the Seats at the 1999 Academy
Awards make with the $45 million?? The film Benigni was
originally to have done under the direction of Italy’s
Master Movie Maker Federico Fellini: An Italian version of
that most famous of Italian folk tales, PINOCCHIO. But Fellini
bought the olive farm before the project was realized, and
Benigni went ahead without him. And Fellini, even with CASANOVA,
never got the kind of reviews the hideously dubbed American
release of Benigni’s PINOCCHIO has gotten. “A movie so
bad,” declared The New York Times, “that it
instantly enters the pantheon of wreckage that includes
BATTLEFIELD EARTH and SHOW-GIRLS!” “Wooden-headed,
self-serving and lifeless!” chimed The L.A. Times.
“There’s something off-putting about a 50-year-old man
cavorting around in a clown suit impersonating a capricious brat,”
avowed VARIETY. And People On-Line even went so far
as to open their piece with: “RAZZIE Board, are you
listening? Just when it seemed as though SWEPT AWAY and PLUTO
NASH had a lock on next Spring’s Golden Raspberry Awards,
along comes the Christmas turkey PINOCCHIO.”
is the film as bad as 100%(!) of the critics culled on
RottenTomatoes.com say it is? If it hasn’t been pulled
already by your local Theatre Manager as a Public Service, you
can still see for yourself. Or you can just take OUR word for it
-- Benigni’s PINOCCHIO deserves to be our first ever
foreign-made Worst Picture nominee...
LETS MADONNA HAVE IT! However nasty American reviews of SWEPT
AWAY may have been, perhaps the most hurtful comment of all came
from the director of the 1974 original version, Lina
Wertmuller. Quoted in The Washington Post, La Lina
declared: "Why? Why? I don't understand why the picture is
so awful. Why did Madonna and her husband let it out? It's very
crazy. They saw the picture. So why open like that? This is
OF GOD, IS THIS THE END OF LITTLE ROCKY?” It hadda
happen sooner or later: Awl-Time RAZZIE Cham-Peen Sylvester
Stallone has finally made a movie So Awful It Went
Direct-to-Video. Your local Blockbuster should have at least ONE
rental copy of the just released D-TOX. Formerly titled ICU, EYE
SEE YOU and IM AUGE DER ANGST in Germany (one of the few places
it was theatrically released) it was directed by Jim Gillespie,
whose previous claim-to-fame was I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER,
and co-stars 1981 Worst Actor nominee Kris
Kristofferson. Just so you don’t go gettin’ too
sorry for Duh Sly Guy, it’s also one of those three
films he made for Universal...For $20 million apiece!
OF GOD, IS THIS THE END OF LITTLE RAZZIE??” Our one-year
development deal with Nash Entertainment, to try and finally get
The RAZZIES broadcast, expired last November. During that year,
we had what seemed like good pitch meetings with Comedy Central
and AMC, and a Very Weird Meeting at E! TV (they totally didn’t
get it -- And kept asking where Joan Rivers would be put
on the Red Carpet for Stars’ Arrivals!). But it turns out
the TV industry is just as afraid of us as the movie industry is
-- Not one network followed up without expressing fear of “pissing
off” their Major Movie Studio sponsors.
we told you we’re Persona Non-RAZZa in Hollywood! Bottom
Line: We’re now seeking another backer...
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